If you know me, you know how linearly I operate. I see a challenge, devise a solution, create accomplishable action steps, and start immediately toward the end goal of success. I have proven to myself and others that I have the cognitive and emotional veracity to overcome a plethora of excruciating challenges of all kinds.
This however is a challenge that I cannot plan, devise, and strategize into a favorable outcome. Yikes! I have never encountered this before. I stand almost in denial that there is and will be nothing I can do to help Annie. Since there’s nothing that caused her HLHS diagnosis, there is literally nothing I can do to cure it.
As a mother, this is a heart-wrenching reality to face. I have nightmares about her lying there in her NICU bed needing to be comforted in the way only a mother can and I will be debilitatingly helpless. In some ways I know it will take everything in me to not charge in, swoop her into my arms, and whisper to her (and me) that everything is okay. My doula told me that a good mother does what is best for her baby no matter what the sacrifice is on the mother’s part. And so I know that in those moments of helpless heartbreak that are ahead, I will do what a good mother should. I will sacrifice my desire to hold her and comfort her, knowing that she’s in the best place she can be.
One particular day that I was wildly wrestling with this staunch reality, my friend (not knowing any of my struggles that day) sent me a verse: Isaiah 66:13, where the Lord says, “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” So, Annie, even on those solemn days of recovery where I cannot have you in my arms, you will be in excellent care. You will not miss the comfort of a mother. Even better, you will be comforted with a love richer than any love that I could ever fathom for you. God, the powerful God who made the entire universe, will be your comforter.
“You will be safe in His arms. You will be safe in His arms. The hands that hold the world are holding your heart.”
Annie, you will be in good hands!