Power of Numbers

In 14 days Dr. Montenegro will kidnap Annie and coax her into a still, painless sleep. For 4 long hours we will try desperately to believe her famous pre-procedure words, “Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of her.” While Annie rests limp and nearly lifeless, Dr. Spray will again open her chest and touch her heart with his practiced hands. I hope her heart remembers his familiar, lifesaving touch.

The problem is that because of her heart failure that caused our recent 30-day hospital stay it won’t be as easy this time. In 2/3 of patients like Annie who already exhibit some level of dysfunction, the Glenn procedure will improve the work of their hearts. 1/3 of the patients, though, have hearts that are already too weak to respond. Our cardiologist called this the 33% who do poorly…adding that poorly is a nice way of saying hopelessly. Hopelessly doesn’t mean a tough recovery or longer inpatient stay or more medicines or a bigger scar. Hopelessly, in 90something% of those 33%, means death. The odds are still in our favor.

The same odds that were less than 1% (1 in 110) that Annie would have a congenital heart defect in the first place. But these are also the odds that said Annie would be in the hospital up to 8 weeks after she was born. Annie stayed a mere 16 days. The same odds that said she would likely struggle to eat by mouth and definitely wouldn’t ever breastfeed. We laugh as for 12 weeks I breastfed our now 14lb 12oz roly poly who ranks in the 92% for weight out of all 3 month olds.

Because of Annie’s defying of some odds and succumbing to others, she’s lived 8 weeks at home and 6 weeks institutionalized (thank you, medicaid office, for that cozy classification). So in 10 days we will load our Acadia with bottles, diapers, monogrammed onesies, Dr. Pepper (I’m not going to be missing that again!), and all of our dreams to travel 1,172 miles to our institution of choice in hopes to arrive within 20 hours for Annie to undergo her second of three open heart surgeries.

All of these numbers swirling around in my head dizzy my spirit. But then I’m reminded that there’s more. The God who knows how many individual hairs make up Annie’s voluminous ginger tuft also knows the count of every.single.one. of her little half-heart beats. And He guarantees that in eternity, numbers won’t matter anymore. So on that grim surgery day of July 30, and every day until then, I hope in Him and His promise that no matter what may come, He will be enough.


10 thoughts on “Power of Numbers

  1. jan degruy says:

    Tracy, once again, I am not only glued to your fluent way with your words to journal your family’s journey, but with your faith in the one who knew us before we were here and carries us through each moment of this life. We are praying for you all as you embark on yet one more chapter of your journey with Annie and your faithfulness! We will be praying for you all. Thank you for your continued prayers for Megan, as her journey continues to unfold.


  2. Stella Williams says:

    HE IS ENOUGH. His grace IS sufficient. It is evident in your tender words.
    I am thankful for your updates! Praying for you!


  3. L Hoskyn says:

    Tracy you are an amazing Mom and your words bring to life the struggle that you are feeling. It breaks my heart but at the same time I am joyful for your amazing faith. God does know Annie. We love you all and are praying for you daily.


  4. Megan Franko says:

    Cannot stop thinking of you guys. Our whole family has been and will keep on praying…our 2yo said today he wants to hold Annie and make her laugh. Thank you for sharing your prayer requests, your faith and your story with us. Bless you, mama.


  5. Robyn Dodson says:

    Tracy we are praying for you guys! Baby Annie is so strong and beautiful!!!! I pray that the surgery will be a huge success for her heart!


  6. Celia Lehmann says:

    Tracy, I am a friend of your Aunt Lois Gregory. I have been following your story thru her & wanted to share with you some thoughts. God, in his almighty wisdom, will be holding Annie in his mighty hand. He will calm your heart & will give you more than enough. I will be praying for your little girl & all of you in the days to come. God Bless!!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s