We had to wait a week to see if her diagnosis would even be compatible with our choice. And honestly, the doctor’s recommendation sounded terrifyingly inviting and horrifyingly easy. I whimpered to Matt, “I don’t want a baby like this.”
How simple it seemed to cut the cord (literally) and count our losses. But we couldn’t. We wouldn’t. Because as logical as it sounded to others…even to us at times, it wasn’t right. Though we decided we were ready to get pregnant with Annie, we’d be embarrassingly naive if we thought her life was our choice. Her life wasn’t up to us and her life wasn’t for our pleasure or satisfaction either. So what if her life would make our life forever different than what we’d dreamed about in premarital counseling? Too bad if her life was an “inconvenience” to someone who wanted a worry-free reality. Reality doesn’t answer to dreams.
They kept saying we had time for “choices.” What they quietly withheld is that while we were free to choose, we were not free from the consequences of our choice. And so, what else would we choose than to cling to truth and to hope in the one who was holding Annie’s life in His hands, who did make Annie for His purpose.
The choice we had wasn’t to terminate Annie or not. The choice we had was to trust that God knew what He was doing, whether it felt like it or not. And of course, He did. And does. And will.
It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been cheap. It hasn’t been normal. It hasn’t been neat and tidy. In fact, Annie has a beautiful but jagged, light purple scar covering her chest that matches an ugly scar inside our hearts. And of course, saving Annie’s life hasn’t been all that convenient.
But it’s been worth it. every. single. second. of every. single. heartbeat. has proclaimed to a watching world that there’s something more than convenient. There’s something more than logical. There’s something more than easy.
There’s the Creator who’s writing a beautiful story of redemption in the face of our Annie. Just to continue proving that He is the author of this heartwarming story, it seems more than simply “conicidental” that on this one-year anniversary of choosing life, FamilyLife just so happens to be publishing an article about Annie tomorrow. Here’s the link: http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/archived-content/miscellaneous/somethings-not-right-with-your-baby .
I love this story that God is telling. There’s no way I could make this stuff up!