No Real Christian Believes That

God does everything on purpose. But don’t you wonder sometimes if He really meant to do all the awful things He does?

Like let your dad get cancer. Like let your son die at 11 years young. Like forget to form half of your baby’s heart.

I do.

I’m weary. I’m exhausted. I live with constant, nagging, pestering worry over when Annie’s heart will finally fail. If it will finally fail. If it will ever “declare itself” once and for all, as her cardiologist says.

I find comfort, though, in knowing that all the awful details are known by the One who can actually do something about them. I don’t know if He will choose to. But that’s up to Him.

I know that whatever He does or doesn’t choose to do is informed with love and compassion for those of us wondering what in the world He could be doing in the midst of all this pain.

Sometimes it’s excruciatingly painful to enjoy that belly laugh today that I know could be gone tomorrow. But all the time it’d be more painful not to. Sometimes it’s excruciatingly painful to imagine that God really does everything on purpose. But all the time it’d be more painful not to.

“No real Christian believes that”…but I do.

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4 thoughts on “No Real Christian Believes That

  1. Jason says:

    Hi Tracy,

    I have been following your journey from the beginning and there is a purpose in your struggle. I know it is excruciating to go through but know that your journey has inspired me in many ways. You have shown me that we should all be thankful for for even the slightest blessings in our lives. Keep posting and keep believing. I will keep you my prayers.


  2. f417hk1m says:

    Hi, Miss Tracy!! Greetings from a teenage girl in Ohio :)!
    I stumbled upon your blog yesterday and spent three hours reading through your blogposts, some two to three times. I just wanted to let you know how convicting your story is and how much it makes me want to love and desire God. I’ve learned so much about God’s character, His love, His mercy, and His divine plan for His children on earth through the lens of a mother documenting her faith walk after the birth of her precious Annie <3.
    It's incredible how the God I worship, the one who has loved me and nurtured me when I was broken, is working in the lives of people all over the world! That's how awesome of a God we worship!!
    I hope that in my times of hurting and pain, I can lean into God more, just as you did.
    I truly, truly believe God is using your family and your Annie to shed light on how magnificent, how powerful, how all-knowing, and how perfect He is. God has used your incredible story to touch my life in a profound way, and I'm thankful that God led me to this blog. 🙂
    Hehehehhe I even shared your blog with my youth group!
    My prayers will definitely go out to your family!
    A fellow sister in Christ


    • tracynlane says:

      Wow! I’m so humbled to hear your response. Thank you for taking time to send encouragement. This is not a story I would’ve chosen, but seeing God continue to use Annie to put himself on display is more than I could’ve asked for. Glad to hear you are seeing him more deeply!

      Liked by 1 person

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