I bit my nails, wrung my wrists, and chewed holes in both my cheeks while I wrapped my hungry 12-week-old tight for the 20-minute stroll. We walked slower that day, dragging each foot forward to the doom that waited ahead. It was 4am on the morning of Annie’s second open heart surgery. Squeezing her close, lips pressed to her wavy hair, I breathed in all that was Annie. I memorized the squint of her eyes and the warmth of her tiny head cradled under my neck.
I soon had the rare and unwanted privilege of administering the syringe of liquid sleep. She finally stopped fussing and sucking to rest peacefully in my arms. Her face matched the purple of the stiff hospital gown they’d dressed her in moments before. I kissed her as if it’d be my last and robotically walked the familiar halls to the surgeon’s office.
We’d been quoted the prognosis weeks before. Ours was the only surgeon still willing to take a chance on Annie. Even though his skill and precision tops all the rest, he only gave us a 60% chance of seeing her again. So when we met with him that morning, we expected somber, concise conversation.
He greeted us with firm handshakes and a smug grin that spread into a wry smile. He shared, “I can’t explain it. Annie’s heart function has recovered in the last few days. There’s no medical reason why. But she should be fine. I’m going to get to work reconstructing her heart. There’s a 99% chance she’ll be out to you in no time.”
99% chance of survival?
Heart failure recovered?
In 2 short hours, we met again. He reported that his assumptions were correct. Her heart function looked good. Everything went as planned. She was back in her ICU bed, chest sewn tight, breathing on her own, crying for us as she groggily came to. “Oh yeah, and one last thing,” he said, “we all witnessed a miracle today.”
A MIRACLE! When there’s not an explanation. When no one believes. When there’s hardly even a glimmer of hope. When it’s nothing any human could accomplish. What else could it be?
But a year later, I worry over next time. I’m mad that we have to evaluate options of when and where and why to administer the syringe again, to meet in the surgeon’s office again, to cry and kiss our last again.
I’ve forgotten to be thankful for the miracle of Annie. I’ve forgotten to live in the truth of God’s provision. I’ve forgotten to trust that provision for next time. I’ve already claimed that our miracle didn’t last long enough. So I need daily reminders!
Here is Annie in her Miracle Baby Tee by Tink and Key.
To help us celebrate the one year anniversary of Annie’s miraculous surgery, Tink and Key is offering a special coupon code JUST FOR YOU, my readers! Check them out on instagram @tinkandkey, #miraclebaby, or online at tinkandkey.com. Be sure to enter coupon code SUMMERBLOG15 for your 25% discount!
Over time it seems that our once-in-a-lifetime miracles become everyday expectations. I want to stop asking, “Lord, what will you do for me next time?” and start finding joy in the miracle of Annie’s life every single day.