When the Best Already Came

So how long will this heart last? I don’t think  I even wanted to know. What would I do anyway–make a paper chain to countdown Annie’s fleeting days?

While some days that sounds fitting, I’m choosing instead to count up the days we’ve had. On Sunday, we celebrated 730 days with Annie that we’ve been given so far.


17,520 hours we were strongly urged to never count on.


2 whole years with this precious life we chose to keep.


As we look ahead to the next days of her life, it’s difficult. Matt and I admitted to each other that we just got the best year with Annie that we are supposed to ever have: no surgeries, no hospitalizations, no medicines, no delays, no setbacks.

We’ve had a year where we’ve gotten accustomed to her giggle. We count on her midnight milk calls. We listen quietly as she belts out lullabies in the backseat. We wait for the mealtime impersonations and the wry humor she delivers with a bean up her nose and a sarcastic eye roll. We mourn that she’s traded the endearing mumble of “sis-der” for a demanding “Aud-RAY!”

But that’s not what they’re telling us is up ahead. For the next year we have penciled in

  • regular Philly visits (with a 2yo who doesn’t fly free anymore)
  • frequent cardiology checkups
  • auto refilling those red Target prescription bottles
  • Annie realizing her heart is sick
  • potential heart transplant

Sounds fun, right? Of course not. Sounds hard. Sounds scary. Sounds out of my control.

It also sounds like another year with Annie that I’m beyond grateful to be embarking on. I’m not going to fill it with worries and what ifs. I’m going to fill it with gratitude and rejoicing in each day we have.

choose gratitude

So I might make a paper chain after all. Each night before bed, I’ll record something about that day with Annie that I’m thankful for. I’m praying I get to write so many that the chain can decorate our whole house!

I think I’ll keep track of them online too! You’re welcome to join me by checking out #ThankfulForAnnie.