Now I Know

I used to think I’d be thankful if one day Annie woke up with a regular heart. I used to think I’d be thankful if one day her doctors revoked their prescription of 6 daily medicines. I used to think I’d be thankful if she didn’t need regular pokes or phlebotomy care. I used to think I’d be thankful if one day we realized it had all been a very bad dream.

I’m probably right about what I used to think I’d be thankful for. But lately I’m rejoicing in ways I never expected to.

Lately I’m thankful that, for the first time ever, I successfully administered Annie’s finger prick INR check at home. I was calm! Annie was cooperative. She even offered up her plump thumb on her own and then pumped it herself to produce a ladybug-sized glob. What a talented 4-year-old.

She smiled and unwrapped a striped band-aid while we both watched the screen for the result. “Look, Momma! Two point five. That means I’m good.” Can’t complain that she’s reading her own results too.

Now I know I’m thankful that a weekly blood check can be done bent over a kitchen table instead of strapped into a lab chair.

Lately I’m thankful that there’s an anticoagulation medicine that keeps Annie’s life-saving stents open. I was heartbroken last week to find out that even though it stabilizes her pressures to help sustain her life, Coumadin also causes “cold intolerance.” Says so right there on the box (that I’ve never seen because I always pick this up in a neatly repackaged pharmacy bottle).

How can we have recently moved to a cold climate to be near her life-saving pediatric care center…and simultaneously moved to a cold climate that her body cannot tolerate? Something’s gotta give!

I felt again like I’d only be thankful if she didn’t need this medicine anymore! Until I realized I’d be thankful for the kindness of a weathered school community who recognized Annie’s incompatibility with the cold and responded with bundles of size 4/5 warm winter layers. Twice last week Annie bubbled over about a school day in the backseat while unzipping her backpack. “Mrs. Horton got me these things at Target, Mom!” and “Somebody sent this bag to my classroom for me. I don’t know them though! Maybe you do?”

Now I know I’m thankful that there are solutions and insider secrets for keeping bodies and hearts warm in Pennsylvania.

Lately I’m thankful that there’s a new place we’re calling home. We’re missing our family, our church friends, our school community, and our old workplace settings. Some days when I hear about holiday parties or family get togethers, I’m certain that we are missing out on the good life. Until I stop looking outside and start looking inside to realize that we eat dinner together as a family every single night now. We’re not missing Matt on the other side of the practice field anymore. We’re watching Audrey giggle and grow with a church bestie, sitting in a second row pew every Sunday. We’re watching Annie memorize scripture and learn letters and practice monkey bars at school every day.

Now I know I’m thankful that we’re getting things we always wanted in a place we never knew to wait for them.

Some nights we ask each other if we’d still decide to pack up and go home if we could. While the resilience of the yes has faded, the answer hasn’t changed. And maybe it never will. But we know now that we’re thankful that God can make home wherever He puts us. And our quaint white stucco house is transforming into a cozy home full of new traditions and the same faith that brought us all this way.

6 thoughts on “Now I Know

  1. Cheryl Holmquist says:

    I am so thankful to get your posts in my inbox. I am always encouraged and it helps me remember to pray. You have a couple of really special girls!


  2. Dee says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your home. We are hardy people in Pennsylvania and we’re are so happy that you are feeling “at home” here. I am so grateful for your posts to remind me what really matters in life. Your family is precious! We will pray & I will lift you up in our women’s Bible study here in Lancaster county 😊


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